Wie viel Selbstwertgefühl hast Du?
Wie viele Fragen?
Kopf oder Herz?
Ein Denker? Ein Herzensmensch?
Krank oder gesund?
Wie viele Fragen hast Du?
Wer bist Du eigentlich?
Kopf oder Zahl?
Wer bist Du eigentlich?
Hast Du Dich verloren?
Wie weh tut es?
Wieso kannst Du nichts sagen?
Wieso?
Wieso kannst Du nichts sagen?
Ich hasse es, dass Du nichts sagen kannst.
Mit dem Kopf gegen die Wand.
Du verlierst sowieso.
Du ewiger Verlierer.
Du wartest. Immer noch.
Worauf denn?
Weisst du worauf?
Wie viele Fragen hast Du?
Wo tut es weh?
Wieso kannst Du es nicht sagen?
Wer bist Du?
Wieso weisst Du das nicht?
Dann bist Du verloren.
Was ist Die Lösung?
Keine Antwort.
So viel Zeit.
Wieso hast du keine Zeit?
Was ist Liebe?
Wer bist Du?
Wieso kannst Du es nicht sagen?
Wieso bist Du so Stumm?
Woher kommt dieser Zwiespalt?
Du hörst gar nichts mehr.
Nichts um Dich herum. Nicht Dich selbst.
Machst Du Dir Sorgen?
Machst Du Dir schon wieder Sorgen?
Wieso?
Irgendetwas ist hier falsch.
Was ist mit Deiner Kraft passiert?
Ist sie weg?
Wieso?
Wieso weisst Du das nicht?
Weisst Du überhaupt irgendetwas?
Das es weh tut?
Wo tut es denn weh?
Wieso kannst Du es nicht sagen?
I think all of us have those moments every now and then, when we question ourselves. our decisions. our actions. I think we all have those moments when we don’t feel like things are going quite right. When we ask ourselves, whether this is the happiness in life, we have been waiting for. Or if this is in true fact unhappiness, that we have gotten stuck in, without realising.
Finding out who we are and what we need and want in life seems to be a never-ending process.
But I think it’s the most important thing to do.
For me.
In order to find true happiness, which I would never have to doubt.
So, what do you want in life?
What are the things you could never compromise about?
What are the things you would regret forever, if you didn’t do, reach or tried them?
Right now, I find those questions so hard to answer – doesn’t that already say enough?
I’m back with a summery topic!
Sorry that I didn’t post anything for so long.
In this post I wanna share with you some drinks I know from the time when I was working in a Bar and which are quite popular in Switzerland.
I usually don’t drink strong alcoholic cocktails, I prefer white whine or prosecco instead.
Here are a few easy recipes of my favourite light summer drinks! Enjoy!
HUGO fresh, light, sweet, yummy!
Dash of elderflower sirup
2/3 Prosecco
1/3 Sparkling water
Garnish with mint leaves, lime slices (squeeze them in) and icecubes
GESPRITZTER SÜSS/SPRITZER SWEET
sweet, light
2/3 White whine
1/3 Sprite
Garnish with a slice of orange, icecubes
APEROL SPRITZ
light, slightly bitter
4cl Aperol
1dl Prosecco
Dash of sparkling water
Garnish with a slice of orange and icecubes
APEROL SOUR OR AMARETTO SOUR
sour, slightly bitter, sweet, fresh
4cl Aperol or Amaretto
2cl Sugar Syrup
2cl Lemon juice
Garnish with slices of lemon, orange, lime, mint and icecubes
4cl/dash Passionfruit syrup
1/4 Passionfruit (seeds)
1dl Prosecco
Dash of sparkling water
Garnish with a slice of orange, mint and icecubes
MOJITO
fresh, strong, sweet, sour
4dl White Rum
1Tablepoon Brown Sugar
1/2 Lime (sliced and squeezed)
4-5 Leaves of mint (missing in this picture)
tiny dash of Sugar Syrup if you like it sweet
Mix all of this well and crush it with a mortar.
Fill up with sparkling water and ice. Crushed ice is perfect, also works with normal icecubes (when adding a bit more water)
Failing to fetch me at first keep encouraged, Missing me one place search another, I stop somewhere waiting for you.
– Walt Whitman, Song of Myself
Weird – to find myself at this same place again.
Still it’s not the same.
I’ve been wondering about
how much sadness one can take.
And how much disappointment.
The future I have wished for myself seems impossible to reach.
Instead I need to let you go. So you can grow.
You deserve to grow.
What do I deserve?
Do I care about what I deserve, when it comes to you?
I care about loss.
And I care about my dreams that have been shattered.
I care about loneliness.
And I care about
you.
Fairness, right?
Let the one you love become the person he deserves to be.
And maybe let him be this person with someone
else.
Free him of all his promises.
Free him of all the pressure you put on him.
Free him of you.
Let him go.
Because it’s
you.
Is it selfish to ask: ‘and what about me?’
What about the things I had and will have to go through?
What about the way I’ve been feeling?
Cause I feel left out. I am losing.
You don’t owe me anything.
And still
no one can safe me
but
you.
I know you feel like you’ve lost everything.
I have lost everything too.
Because I lost
you.
How long will this sadness last this time?
I have welcomed this deep brokenness like an old friend.
10 years from now, will I still shudder when I hear your name?
Will my heart still sigh in pain
because it remembers
you?
Dear darling
It has always been you.
You stole my heart.
I know it is safe with you.
Whatever might happen.
This is out of my hands.
Nevertheless
I will keep you forever in my mind
and I will miss you
every day
because
I love
you.
Sometimes I wonder. I wonder what he had been doing in those six months.
But then I shudder. I want to know, but I know that I don’t want to know.
I can imagine – I shouldn’t imagine.
Weird.
I can think back to that time, to those six months,
and I mean six months is a pretty long time,
and I don’t remember anything.
What have I been doing? what have I been up to?
what have I been thinking?
All I know is that I worked. I worked and I cried.
And I listened to those songs, to those sad songs.
I would make a habit of crying on my way to work,
when the sun was rising and I would pass by a pond
with little ducks.
Sometimes I would even sit for a while and watch them.
They grew with the weeks.
And I would walk back at sunrise, crying again,
cause the sad songs made me do so.
I can still listen to them today – and they still make my heart break again.
It’s as if that time had no purpose, no meaning.
As if it didn’t exist.
Except for when I went away, that time had a purpose.
I had to leave completely – I had to put as much distance between him and me as I could.
But still –
I still find it weird.
I’ve always been doing things, I’ve always been planning and working towards something.
For six months I did do all of that, but I did it all wrong.
Cause when I think back, I didn’t do anything productive, anything inspiring.
Not to me.
Not to others.
I was just an empty shell.
So empty, that when I look back at myself at that time
I don’t remember a person
I don’t remember what I did
I almost don’t remember a thing.
Because nothing mattered
but the sadness in my heart.
I hold two hearts
which one belongs to me?
which one belongs to you?
I just want to give them away
give them to you
I don’t want to decide
I don’t want to be accountable
it’s too much to bear
Crashing down
falling forever
life is playing its games
where is my save place?
where is my happy place?
you are the only one who knows
you are the only one
who can bring me there
and you know
I want us to be present
I want to feel you close
But where have you gone?
miles apart
as if you were hiding
from me
just a shadow, just a shell
I am left with a ghost
please wake up, please wake up
save me
I don’t recognise this love
so even if you sleep next to me
I am missing you
You seem lost
I don’t want you to be lost
But you won’t take my hand
so what do I do?
I just watch
watch as we stand on these boats
floating away from each other
taken by different currents
not moving a feet
although my soul is aching
to follow you
I am lost too
I am asking myself why
am I the mistake?
do I tear us apart?
I am scared of myself
and scared of you
my heart is so weak
ready to melt
Do I have to overcome my fear?
Or will you help me changing it into something else?
Too many tears
yours and mine
too many
we are sick of it
why is it so hard?
I love you
You love me
But this is not all
there is also you
there is also me
there is life
there is fear
I’ve really been feeling so restless recently.
And low. And exhaused. And weak. And stressed. And helpless.
I bet you all know how this feels.
Today, when I actually had so many things to get done, I went to the Zurich lake to sit down for a while. On my own. There were no people, it was freaking cold. And all I did was sitting there, neither even really thinking about anything, nor enjoying the view. I just thought: this is kind of nice here. Peaceful. I guess I just had to get away from things. Although I know there are people with much worse problems than I have. Or people which have much more reason to wanting to get some space to breathe through. I don’t even know what reasons I have to feel so suffocated.
I sat there and started feeding ravens with bread, which I did’t have the appetite to eat myself. And although this sounds so gloomy and weird, I have to admit, I could pretty much identify with those birds.
With the ravens.
They are kind of scary, kind of misunderstood, shunned but at the same time they are quite clever, beautiful and strong – when they fly, they cover the sky in the deepest black color and their wings are sure of their movements, determined to bring them where they want to go.
When they fly, though, they are alone – on their own.
And when they crow they make the most awful sound in the world.
I dunno why but I feel like people have been avoiding me recently.
I don’t know whether I seem so unapproachable or daunting…
but somehow for sure I am misunderstood. Also by the things I say. I feel like everything I say has been judged for the past few weeks. I have to lay every word onto a scale and assess whether I can let it slip out of my mouth or not. A bird in a cage.
I feel also left alone. Left alone with my issues.
I know this is my own fault, because I’d never ask for help.
But sometimes I wish people would see what I need and act accordingly,
not just leaving me alone.
I don’t want to be alone, not when I feel like that.
Because this is when I fall into a hole too easily.
And I am scared of that.
I felt it coming a few days ago – this feeling of heaviness.
I sat in the bus on a Sunday morning at 6 o’clock, after 9 hours of work, and again it was cold.
It was a misty, quiet morning.
And suddenly my playlist picked this song. This old all-time-favourite.
And it made me think of the time when I listened to it most.
And it also made me realise that I didn’t really feel right.
Listening to it soothed me anyway.
But still, I am feeling so out of place at the moment, with so many open businesses
and so many things I want to do and achieve. I have lost track of where to start.
I have lost track of what I think is most important.
I don’t even know in which direction to go. Normally I would.
As soon as I am sure of something, I can act accordingly.
Right now I am lost.
I am floating. I don’t like floating.
And I guess it is also a problem that I cannot put my issue into words.
If anybody asks me, what might be wrong, I can’t say what it is.
And I can’t tell what could help me.
I just wish someone did know the cure, because I don’t know it myself.
And I am too tired to figure it out.
I’ve also been eating crazy amounts of chocolate, drinking more whine and my body is weak.
I have reached a point too low.
I guess it’s part of life and things cannot only be great all the time.
But I don’t need shitty times to appreciate the good ones.
I just need my balance, it drives me crazy if I cannot have it.
Something is wrong and I have to figure this out before it gets any worse.
I don’t want to depress anybody… so I end this here.
I will let you know if I figured this out.
And maybe, if anyone is feeling the same way right now, you know you are not alone.
Let me know when you found a way out.
This is an issue which means a lot to me. It is something I recently discovered to be an issue everyone should be aware of – I discovered it to be a topic which changed my way of talking and communicating and dealing with myself and others. I am going to talk about something which can make you feel better.
This is a post about honesty. This is a post about making apologies.
I still remember an argument I had with my mother years and years ago, as if it was yesterday. I was very young at that time. Still a kid. And we were screaming at each other. It was a weekday evening and I went to bed angrily. It doesn’t matter anymore what the argument was about. But it matters that after a while when I was just about to fall asleep, my mother opened the door – and apologized for the quarrel. At that point it became very clear to me that I also had never wanted to argue. We ended up crying and apologizing – and we went to sleep with a much better feeling than before.
This experience has taught me that saying sorry is never something bad. It is something which demands sincerity, a little bit of bravery and greatness.
It took me years to understand this. I have always been a very stubborn person, sure to stand for my opinions and things I said. It ended up causing me too many arguments and a lot of anger and sadness. Today, with 21 years I have come to a point where I generally hate arguing. I don’t think its worth my time or my energy – all of this negativity. But I also know it is not avoidable.
My understanding for the meaning of apologizing came after very intense arguments with my boyfriend when we screamed at each others faces or ended up walking away from each other. So often, just a few hours after the argument I would feel sorry for it all, or for things I said.
I dunno where this came from. But I guess there was one point where I didn’t have any other choice than saying sorry. So I did. And it turned out to be the greatest thing ever.
Since then I started to be a lot more aware of things I could apologize for.
Even a few days after an argument, I could confront others with suddenly apologizing. I am not holding back on this anymore. I say that I didn’t want to argue, that I am sorry for this or that particular thing I said, or this or that particular thing I did. I have gotten better in doing so, that now, even if I am in the middle of a fight, I can take a step back, look at things and ask myself: “wait? Is that what I wanted? Is this argument worth it? Do I really want to go on like this?” And then I might say sorry just right in the middle of the argument. This doesn’t mean that I apologize for everything. I only say sorry for the things I know I actually feel or will feel sorry about. Sometimes it is everything, sometimes it is just a tiny little thing.
And I tell you. It is worth it. Never has someone I know reacted negatively on it. And for me, as a person who loves harmony and who can hold a grudge not only against others for ages, but also against myself, it made me feel so much better.
Even my boyfriend has been so appreciative of it, that just recently I found him doing the same thing. An argument between us and its aftermaths, which would have usually lasted for days, ended in a blink of an eye. It was so truly great.
Don’t be too proud to say sorry. It is never too late.
I have managed to build friendships again, which had been broken a long time ago.
Just by apologizing.
It is worth it in every way.
And I tell you this is not showing weakness or backing up or trying to get away with something.
It is about second chances and people’s temper, which can so easily get out of control.
It’s about knowing yourself and being reflective and about fixing relationships and not making things worse than they already are. Try it out yourself.
