You said you want to hold onto me
and turned the other way.

before you catch me, I‘ve already fallen a million times.

xxj
[disconnected.]

she ceased putting words together to frame him, because his expansive fire doesn‘t reach her sandfilled heart no more. Not even a spark of inspiration although coated in bright worry and sorrow strokes her now. She got used to all the pinching, pushing – but not to the flames. Still, agile like water, she fluidly reshapes and reforms, creates space for the sharp edges before she bursts into drops and crashes away in waves. She sickers past roots and metals into the deep earth, where nothing can enlighten her soul, but the moon.

Beengt
von all deinen Gefühlen,
und von dieser Abenddämmerung,
die sich in Zyklen wiederholt
– immer häufiger.
Worte haben noch nie etwas gebracht
und egal wie oft man das gleiche spricht,
es kommt nicht besser an.
Auch Lügen kann man sich schönreden,
wenn man stur genug ist.
Der Weg weiter ist manchmal der Weg raus,
oder querfeld hinab.
Ich weiss nicht, was so unklar ist in meinem Kopf,
denn in aller Deutlichkeit ist es nicht so schwierig.
Sich niederlegen in Gemütlichkeit,
schwimmen mit der Strömung.
Ich versteh das.
In der Süsse übersieht man,
wie sauer es macht.
Trotzdem wollen Regeln immer gebrochen werden,
Du weisst das am besten von allen.
Die Kunst liegt darin,
zu wiederstehn.
Eiskalt oder lodernd heiss,
das sind beides keine guten Möglichkeiten.
Und ich bin das Ringen satt.

Mein Gegner ist der,
von dem gemunkelt wird,
dass er gar nicht da ist.

xxj
[schwankelmütig.]

how do you put nothingness
into words
if not with silence?

xxj
[still.]

you ask me to say
what I don’t feel
although I used to feel this
all the time.
times have changed
and I cannot say
what I used to say
because I meant it.
I cannot say it anymore
because I cannot feel it
I just feel tired
and fed up
instead.
my stomach is empty
and so is my brain,
blank
how do you put nothingness
into words
if not with silence.
The thing is,
that I would like to say it
but I don’t know how
because something is missing
that would make sense.
Sometimes I can say it
and not mean it
because I remembered how I used to feel
and I know you need to hear from me
those words
just for the sake of it.
I know you are scared
because you also
cannot find this feeling in me anymore
this meaning
that I used to carry for us
every day.

(unfinished)

Victor Marc – Change
& Tash Sultana – Harvest Love

gentle orange light
shimmering and floating through the room.
lightly
touching your skin.
quiet shadows dancing smoothly on your face.
those subtle movements
only clear eyes can discern
flickering and reaching
to everything that’s close
or nowhere to be seen.
exhaling warm air
into a hot room
as the mind wanders to distant places
where you can ease
and rest.
pause.
although the black sky is covered
we watch the galaxies
spinning in slow motion
stars blossoming
and collapsing to dust.
coming closer
arms tightening
glowing brighter
from the inside
hearts loosen up
faces leaning in
embracing the night
until sleep seeps
into our heads
and tenderness
into our bones.

xxj

Die Lügen die du dir selber erzählst,
wir kennen sie alle längst.

xxj

[welcome to hell, darling.]