11:11

I was brave for a little while,
dared to show parts of me
I usually hide.
I know I can create forces,
magnetic energy fields around me,
but I was set back
at how I couldn’t attract
a soul that was truly acknowledging mine.
Instead old patterns formed into something
just as tangled as before.
Thieves.
And so a lesson:
figuring out how to handle myself
as the highest price.
Earn it,
or step aside.

22:22

How much hurt is bearable?
Can be swallowed week by week?
The resilience everyone sees in me
is crackling into pieces.
Without an armor I am left soft.
I am tired
of bringing up strength to endure.
No back bone left.
Broken in half.
Now that I know, I have to deal.
That’s an advantage. 
This lesson:
Less is more.
Balance is a fine line.
I need to feel it and tip it over
before I can even attempt to find.

21:21

It was time for me
to turn another year older.
One of the worst nights I’ve ever had.
Fearing death
in the quiet of a cold morning.
The nervous system whacked
until the heart was racing
1000 races.
A subtle but threatening ache.
And a scream for peace.
This lesson:
The pause is urgent. 
If I disagree or disregard,
the consequences are 
everything.

12:12

I am off center.
I am off.
I cannot turn the other way now.
And I cannot push through.
Confrontation is not the way this time.
Only a honest embrace.
A request to hold myself in the most
careful way.
I need to reduce
to the bare minimum.
I feel so damn exposed
and ready to fall
from the touch of the lightest breeze.
Life is an old teacher
giving me harder questions to solve
and answering me less forgiving than before.
I didn’t see these ones coming
and this time more than ever
I am scared
to fail.

xxj

22:55